From: Sad and Horny

Dear Rod,

I swa your post on myspace and figgered what the hell right? Lately I've been going to the bars and looking on line for a girl. I'm not looking for anything special, just a fuck buddy really. Can I say fuck? What should I do, or has being married destroyed your inner p**sy sensors?

Signed,
Sad and Horny


Well Sad and Horny,

I first want to say that if you ever email me again, be smart and don't sign it with your real name! Now I know who you are, and am going to inundate you with shitty emails on myspace to make myself feel better!

To answer your question: You're doomed to never be laid. Some people out there, like me, have the devil's tongue! While my tongue may be retired due to marriage, it's still there. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, given the right amount of time (less than a week) I could get my rocks off with a damned good looking girl, or a reasonably decent looking bohemoth! YOU GOTTA HAVE GAME, SON! I have seen some of the world's most unattractive people pull some of the hottest ass because they had an awesome personality. I know you -- Your personality isn't exactly "people friendly." Don't get me wrong, you're a great guy, but when it comes to having that certain something, you fall short. No worries though, there is a cure.

THE GYM!

Weights for the win! Or at least the score. Right now, you're body is a loose hodgepodge of blubber and beer froth. Since you don't have game, you need to defnitely improve that body, brah. You think I could have landed my badass wife or any other hotty before her had I neither had personality nor body!? Granted, I have lost about 20 pounds and my body is no where near the Adonis that I used to be, but still... Point is, you're fat and you have no game. Both can be corrected, but you have to make that jump! I can't do it for you.

And what's so big about getting laid anyway? Shit! Get over it! Next to my wife, my hand is my closest and best lover! I used to jerk off before going to the club! It will keep you relaxed and allow you to keep your mind off the treasure and more on the map that leads to it. This response could go on forever. Just stay off the internet, don't go to bars, and please hit the gym. Some of the nicest girls I ever met were at the grocery store, work, the mall, and...THE GYM! So get to it Tubby Von Nogame!

I have spoken!

Rod